Come Up You Fearful Jesuit

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Posted on July 7, 2017 in Identity Introspection

A million years ago on a date that consisted of passing a bottle of wine back and forth in Prospect Park, my interlocutor said of her decision to come out, “Why do I need an excuse to hang out with a boy whose life is an open book in the internet?” Since then, everyone has started pretending that their life is an open book on the internet, but the whole thing has been sort of obfuscated and branded and is kind of horrible. Partly as a reaction to this decline, and partly because I think it is probably the only way that I’ll ever start writing here consistently, this is going to start including a lot of really boring diary stuff. Excelsior!

Prejudices: Reaffirmed

Posted on August 19, 2013 in Identity

So as you know I am the sort of person who, left to their own devices, will take about 3 showers per day during the summer. Lest you think that this is the sort of indolent shit a fellow gets up to when he works from home, I’ll have you know that when I was in the business my summer shower regimen ran to three instances before heading in to work. The point is, however, than today I 1) had neglected to shower immediately before bed and 2) had laundry to do, so I waited until I had clean clothes. When I finally managed to ablute myself it was seriously the most remarkable experience I’ve had in recent memory. The message here is that I’m totally right about everything.

Ongoing Mythic Hilarity

Posted on April 4, 2013 in Identity

I will never get tired of this joke.

More advice

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Products

Posted on March 18, 2013 in Identity Images Reality As Such

After like fucking months of not doing anything about it for no apparent reason, I got a little kit and fixed my sunglasses.

John Connor?

I got a shirt from American Giant. It’s amazing.

shirty

I did not end up buying this hat. Perhaps this was a mistake.

hatastrophe

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A Pair of Ragged Claws

Posted on October 13, 2012 in Identity Introspection Reality As Such

I know, right? So what has been happening? Well, as mentioned elsewhere, it was my birthday recently and C and I travelled to San Francisco to celebrate it. While the most obvious addition to my life upon returning to the Northwest was an infected cat bite, there have also been some subtler changes.

Living in Portland and spending time with C, who is an inveterate cocktailer has dulled my palate for wine considerably. For a long time I was more or less okay with this (note that this is at least in part because said palate is still remarkably sophisticated), but after dinner at Absinthe, I’m reversing my course on this one. Cocktails are fine, but I am totally over drinking them with dinner. That shit is for savages.

We also spent a fair amount of time at SFMOMA one day, and The Palace of the Legion of Honor the next. Portland has a very nice art museum, of course, but it doesn’t have a lot of the high-modern stuff, the supremacy (Suprematy?) of which, unlike wine, is something C and I agree about vehemently. It’s nice that I always end up at SFMOMA with artists.

On the plane home I finally finished Seven Pillars of Wisdom, and returned to The Line of Beauty, which I had laid aside while ago, having not found myself particularly engaged. I think that something about the trip put me in the mood for the high Hollinghurst style, and I have been enjoying it immensely. Now that Amis has retired to xenophobic avuncularity, it may be the case that Hollinghurst is England’s best practicing author. Obviously that’s not the best novel of the second half of the century of the novel, but it’s not nothing either.

The upshot of all of this is that I think it’s time for me to return to snobbery. I am planning on going out less but bringing much more decadent things into the house. Time to get my damn culture back.

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And Yet It Moves

Posted on August 26, 2012 in Identity

As promised, moving images.

Some self defense.

Some forms.

Some sparring.

I feel a little ambivalent about this, but this break was probably the highlight of my test. It was a little uncertain that I’d be able to arrange people properly, and I hadn’t previously broken any boards with a chop. The breaks only at the end, but I like all of this because even without being able to hear what’s going on, I think it gives a sense of the community at the school. Also, there’s a bit of a funny when I accidentally break one of the boards while I’m getting things set up.

I think some important stuff happened with this test.

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Test

Posted on August 26, 2012 in Identity

So I tested for green belt yesterday, which turned out pretty well. C has tons of video, but for now here is my hand.

Test hands

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Tragedies on Various Scales

Posted on August 12, 2012 in Identity Introspection Reality As Such

So I’ve been living a life of quiet desperation, as is the English way. Primarily this is because after something on the order of 7 years of service this long-standing artifact bit the dust.

Tragedy Strikes

I try not to be too worked up about objects, but I am already suffering profoundly facing the morning without it.

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Reaching

Posted on June 12, 2012 in Identity Introspection

Right, here’s what I wanted to say when I posted those pictures of those charming gentlemen in the park: while I was there I spent a lot of effort getting through 40ish pages of a rather charming book. I kept sort of uncosciously getting up and trying to go home to “do something,” and then realizing that I fucking well was doing something and I should sit in the park and do it.

I’ve spent the last 6 years or so kind of aggressively on the make, and while ther are a lot of things that on the surface it seems like I have to show for it, I’m pretty sure I’d be a lot better off if I had been a bit more relaxed. I’ve wasted a
lot of creative energy on work and industry-related stuff when I should have done the obvious thing and put the creative energy to use elsewhere.

I’m not totally clear on what to do about this. I still want, eventually, to finish Markov Garden. I even managed to give my efforts a little bump last night by swtiching out the serialization format and saving some space (not enough space, but some). But this feels so much like something that represents being on the make, and I’m tired of being that way.

I’ve been reading this (in a previous edition), and sort of thinking about the idea of some kind of manifesto to more or less determine the putative focus of my actions. I guess my manifesto is that I’m opposed to bad metaphors. That’s a little overwhelming, unfortunately. Scoped so poorly that it’s basically a bad metaphor of its own.

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Measures

Posted on May 31, 2012 in Identity Introspection

So while this was always already intended as a blog post, I’m actually writing it on an honest-to-got note pad in Laurelhurst Park, which I only discovered recently because I was meeting my sister at Side Street and the 15 was running wonky. Let this be your notice that this oversight has gotten you fucking fired.

At any rate, writing things on paper. I went back to writing my diary in, well, a diary a couple of months ago, but I wasn’t doing very well with it. I recently started regimenting my morning a bit more, however, and I think that things are going to improve.

About that regimentation: initially, feeding the cat was the first thing I did after getting out of bed, but that turned out to be a huge mistake. He started trying to get me up earlier and earlier by jumping on my chest and biting my face. This was corrected by moving his feeding time back a bit, after I’d done some dottering. Shocking how something so devious can be so credulous about some things.

I decided to write in this fashion to get around a real lack of thinking that I’ve been doing lately, which is in dramatic need of correction. Well, not lack of thinking, of course, but maybe lack of correct thinking. I’ve been involved in some sort of plumpe denken, which has been taking a severe toll.

Now, I have been fixing things around the house (at least part way) and writing a new SDK for Temboo, so it’s not like I’m in a coma or something. The pattern is more like after I’m done with that stuff I don’t have an internal life. Instead, I have a bunch of niggling worries, a melodramatic awareness of my backlog of concerns, and then a bunch of self-deprecating. . . I don’t know, things.

So naturally this creates a bit of a death-spiral. I’m trying to combat it by just keeping closer tabs on the tiny details in the tick-mark on a list sort of way, and the aforementioned aggressive regimentation.

And then this, of course. Having a big stretch of empty space here means that I’ve been trying to write about things and then getting caught up in some manner of detail or another and then whatever I was thinking about has slipped too far from me, and it’s just another loss. That sort of builds up until all you can do is push out some maudlin business about how much work everything is. Bogus.

Okay, hopefully that is all over and we can get back to metaphors, which is all I really care about any more (and may, considered carefully, be the only thing about which I’ve ever cared.)

P.S.: Did you want everyone you’ve ever met to know that you’re a colossal asshole? Someone has sorted that right out for you.

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